This time last year we were checking into Stony Brook University Hospital for a scheduled induction due to the fact that I had gestational diabetes. My original due date was October 20, so we were only a few days early.
Upon checking in, around 6:30pm, we were sent to antepartum wing where I changed into the lovely hospital gown provided to me. I was connected to fetal monitor, blood pressure cuff, and given an IV, already we were off to the exact opposite of the natural, unrestricted birth I desired, but the safety of my baby was what was most important so we proceeded.
At 9pm, one of the midwives came and explained the first step, the placement of the first Cervidil. I was now required to remain flat for 2 hours, then as still as possible for the next 10 hours with only liquids to drink. The entire time connected to monitors that at every move slipped and alerted the nurse to come and re-adjust me.
Needless to say, night 1 was sleepless. My loving husband, Craig, sat by my side and sleeplessly froze as I sweated and shifted uncomfortably in the bed. I had some mild contractions that night, so that gave us some hope that it must be working.
By 9am on Day 2 another midwife came to remove the cervidil and check my cervix, only 1cm dilated! You must be kidding me! It was suggested that I shower, order breakfast, and walk to halls. After eating I would be required to wait another 4 hours before round 2 of the Cervidil, then it would be another 12 hours before I could eat again... So I did as suggested. I showered, still connected to IV (that was fun-sarcasm), with the help of my loving husband. Then updated our families and walked while we waited for breakfast, then walked some more. It felt great not to be hooked up to the monitor for a while, I'm not sure which was worse--the scratchy belly band and big plastic pads on my large stomach or the limb squeezing blood pressure cuff that went off hourly.
At 3pm, round 2 of the Cervidil was inserted. Back to flat and still, at about 4pm I realized it had come out, so they reinserted it. At this point my cervix was "raw" for lack of a better term. (Imagine applying a bandaid to the same spot for 12 hours, ripping it off and reapplying all while putting something under it to soften the area.) Each exam is extremely painful.
Night 2 was even longer than the first, maybe it was my hormones but I was incredibly upset that this experience was SO far from the birth journey I had wanted. I wanted natural and positive, quiet and loving... This felt cold and negative, restrictive and barbaric. I cried a lot, thank goodness for Craig. I really don't know what I would have done without him.
The midwife came in around 4am to remove round 2, and told us to get some sleep and after shift change at 7am someone would come examine me. With the monitors and cuff off we were able to get a few hours sleep. (It is now Wednesday morning and we have been up since Monday morning give or take a few cat naps here and there.)
8am comes and the nurse insists we order food and shower, after the painful exam to determine the I am MAYBE 2 cm dilated! More tears!
So I shower, as does my husband, and we get food while we wait for the midwife to discuss our next step. Around 9:30 the midwife comes and walks me through the next step... Round 3 of Cervidil, which clearly isn't doing any benefit at this point or Pitocin with a Foley balloon or just Pitocin, the last 2 options would require moving me to Labor and Delivery. So we decided to go with Pitocin and learn more about the Foley Balloon.
By 11am I was in Labor and Delivery, settled into my suite, Pitocin started along with more tears. I wanted no drugs in my body, my baby exposed to nothing. We keep moving further and further from the birth journey I dreamt of.
The midwife explains the Foley Balloon, which they can't locate, and it terrifies me because she explains that due to my "sensitive" cervix she would recommend the epidural before insertion because she doesn't think I can tolerate the discomfort...you guessed it I'm hyperventalatingly crying at this point.
Craig finally gets me calmed down along with the help of our wonderful nurse, and they decide to do an exam to see where I am at. (I think it's about 4pm Wednesday at this point.)
They discover my water has broken and I am about 3cm dilated. The Foley balloon is now out, it only gets you to 4cm and its pointless now. We continue Pitocin.
Fast forward to about 10:30pm, contractions start... Hello active labor!!! I welcomed it at this point! It felt good to FEEL something other than disappointment and sadness. Surely this meant we were going to get to meet our baby SOON, right?
After about 3-4 hours of contractions 1-2 minutes apart lasting about 5 minutes each, I'm worn out! They decide to turn off Pitocin and do an exam, I'm already slightly over 50% of the max Pitocin I can have. I'm at 5-6 cm dilated, not progressing fast enough! It is decided that I need to rest and resume Pitocin the next day. :(
By Thursday morning we are beat! My husband and I are exhausted mentally, emotionally,and physically. I'm emotionally drained. We start Pitocin at 7am, at 10am it is strongly suggested I get the epidural. Once the contractions start again, they are concerned I don't have the energy to resume labor without it, lack of sleep and little to no food for 3 days will do that to a woman apparently...ugh!
So after a small emotional breakdown, I agree. Epidural inserted. My husband had to leave my side for the first time since Monday morning, I hated that part, but the midwife stayed with me and calmed me down. Thank goodness for her! I felt like I needed to be committed at this point!
At first the epidural only worked on my right side, so I was instructed to lay on my left side. By 1pm, I had the urge to push, even though I couldn't feel anything below my breastbone. Sure enough...fully dilated, lets have a baby, well maybe?
With the help of Craig and a student on one side and the nurse and the midwife on the other I pushed for 2 hours off and on. The baby dropped and the head could be seen! Progress! Yes!!! Shift change! No!!!
The new midwife turned off the Pitocin, and the student left. The new midwife wasn't as much help as the previous one, so I only had my hubby and the nurse to help with my dead legs and the encouragement, which I desperately needed at this point. The baby went back up, and the high risk doctor watching on the monitor came in and wanted me to stop.
They did a sonogram to see what was the matter. The baby was no longer in the birth canal, and she was laying on her side. The probability that she would rotate and I would be able to push her out were less than 50/50 and he recommended a c-section. I lost it, yet again. He said he would allow me a short window to continue pushing but the Pitocin was off and we were approaching the 24 hour mark from when they guesses my water broke.
The doctor said you can opt now for a voluntary c-section or risk an emergency c-section later, that was the deciding factor...c-section it was.
Craig was a great comfort at this point, he consoled me while we waited for them to come for us. The process was smooth and everyone was extremely friendly, I'm sure that was because my chart said--be nice!! Crazy bitch cries at the drop of a hat!!! If you upset her again its straight to the mental ward!!!!
At 6:08pm, the nurse came around the sheet with a beautiful baby... It was a girl! Finally after 72 hours, we could hold our baby and know she was ok!!! It was the happiest moment of my life! Our lives... I'll speak for Craig here :)
They laid her on my chest and my hubby and I held her, gazing in amazement at her. All 8lbs 3 oz and 21.5 inches of her. Gwyneth Avery, a perfect little angel.
You could say I had a traumatic birth journey, but it proved to me that I can do anything and that I will do anything for her. It showed a side of my husband that I always knew was there. He has proven what he never needed to prove, that he has got my back and that he is there to protect us... Most of all that he loves me like crazy! My birth journey brought my husband and I closer and as an amazing bonus we got a beautiful little girl too. Maybe it wasn't the journey I wanted, maybe it was what I needed.
Will I have another baby? Who knows, but if I do you can bet I am going to try and get that long desired natural birth! I can do it!
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